Bleeding.

Last night I got to welcome my moon, right after the New Moon in Leo. My first bleed after my loss.

I opened my period tracking app for the first time in 6 months and laughed when it said I was “165 days late”. Oh if only it knew the journey I had been on. 

But looking closer, I saw that it predicted my period right on the dot. After all I went through, this little app got it right?! Was it a coincidence? Maybe not.

There is so much meaning behind this first bleed, a sense of yearning and power. It's a reminder that I am no longer pregnant, yet it’s a reminder that life force is still flowing through me.

I was a bit anxious about this first bleed: When was it going to come? Was it going to be really heavy? Will I feel really down?

But physically, this has been the easiest bleed I’ve had in years.

 Maybe it’s a gentle way my body is supporting me after all that I’ve been through. Maybe my womb is thanking me for all the red raspberry leaf tea, vitamin D, omega-3s I’ve been giving it. Either way, something is working.

I’m having a hard time finding words for this experience. I’m also choking on my words because this is the first time I’m ever talking about my period publicly. For so long I’ve internalized shame and silence.

I remember being in India when I was 12, during my period, and I literally had to throw my used pads off the chhat (the terrace) into this waste area across the alley so it wouldn't be seen by everyone else…

Was my period really that bad? That shameful?

It’s not just in India. I feel it here too.

Our culture’s relationship with menstrual cycles is fucked up. We are told to shove it up and shut up. To numb with painkillers. To demonize its existence. To find ways to skip it all together.

(to add: I’m not here to judge anyone who does/has done any of these. I have done it all. What we are lacking is education, compassion, and full agency)

Our cycles remind us of the power of our wombs. We can LITERALLY bring life into this world. And yet, we are taught to see it as a nuisance?

Look, I’m no stranger to period pain and problems. I get it. I just wish we had better tools, more compassion, and education to support women. There are so many wonderful ways to live in harmony with our flows through cycle tracking, natural herbs, and lifestyle changes.

I wish I had one simple takeaway or solution to share right now, but I don’t. A part of me experiences rage, heaviness, and anger as I sit with this topic. All of this points to deep rooted misogyny. There is so much to be unlearned and rewritten.

But even with that acknowledgement, the other part of me pendulates to ease, compassion, and love. So what if we start there?

What if we said “yes” to rest, to nourishment, and self-love? What if we filled ourselves with sustenance, aligned with the sun and the moon to nourish our wombs and souls? 

Can we begin to celebrate our mothers, daughters, and sisters and their (energetic) wombs? Whether they are bleeding or not. Whether they have one physically or not. Whether they want to bring life to this world or not.

All deserve to be celebrated. 

I’ll leave here with a bow in reverence to the Feminine. To the Maiden, Mother, and Crone archetypes. To women. To life. To bleeding.

Xo

Akansha